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JOURNAL
June 2005
IN DEFENSE OF GAY MARRIAGE
I assume that the negative views most of middle America sees concerning gay people come from brief news clips of gay demonstrations or parades, seedy or stereotypical depictions in movies like Cruising or The Birdcage, or a horrific moment when (gasp!) a gay man or woman made a pass at them.
The condemnation of what they perceive to be gay behavior is, unfortunately, trumpeted most often, and at its loudest, from church pulpits. This is a relatively new phenomenon, as pointed out by the Rev. Mel White in his book "Stranger at the Gate." After the fall of Communism and the Berlin wall in the late '80s, televangelists needed a new enemy to target, to keep donations rolling in. Homosexuals became the target. Prior to that time, sex was seldom spoken of at all in the church, which may have created its own set of problems. But the new movement of hating homosexuals, coinciding with the fearful rise of AIDS and high-profile demonstrators like ACT-UP, gave power to murderous gay-bashers and right wing politicians who were able to use gays as their punching bag to further their causes. Gay Christians were forced to choose sides, which compromised their spirituality or their sexuality, and certainly their mental health.
The surprising thing for me is that the church which condemns gays gives them no solution other than the usual platitudes to pray harder, go to church more, give ones life over to Christ again. Do these leaders not realize that most gays prayed for deliverance from homosexuality from the moment they discovered those feelings as young teenagers?
I think most churchgoers can quietly appreciate their gay colleagues' contributions to church life and beauty through the centuries, but they would rather they keep their personal lives to themselves. Just keep the organ humming, the choir singing, the stained glass shimmering, and the little ones entertained while we enjoy the sermon, and be happy with that.
Wouldn't the church (and humanity) be better served if they embraced gays, encouraged them to have healthy relationships, and sanctioned marriage for them? I think a lot of gays turn to darkened clubs for anonymous encounters because they've had to hide their sexuality in the office, in the church, on the street, at the ballgame, at grandma's house, in the classroom, on the business trip and anywhere else that straight people can take their sexuality for granted. Can you imagine what that kind of repression does to you day after day after day? In a big city like New York, gays can find a few options for fellowship among other gays if they look hard enough, but in smaller cities, the only thing available are bars (which encourage drinking, which can lead to drug use, which can lead to unsafe sex, which can lead to HIV, which can lead to skyrocketing medical insurance costs, which can lead to greater hatred and suspicion of gays, which can lead to fraying of the social fabric, which can lead to injustice, which can lead to revolution, which can lead to war, which can lead to the end of humanity).
Surely, gay marriage can't be the horrible sin the church makes it out to be. In the entire Bible, what are there — maybe five passages that mention homosexuality, most of the time in the context of a different time and perhaps in the context of a different sin. Jesus never said a word about it, but knowing his proclivities toward hanging out with outcasts, I'm sure he knew a few homosexuals.
I'm not a theologian, but common sense dictates that if you are a person of God, you reach out to all of God's people. You welcome them into your church, you take an interest in their lives, you encourage them to be fulfilled in a way that only the Holy Spirit can provide. And in the need for human companionship which most people share, gay marriage has to be a healthier, more loving alternative, than saying to gay people: "You are not welcome here, find your own way, but stay away from my family and don't try to get the same political rights that we have because we don't want to live next to you and we don't want you in our schools or on the streets holding hands." Gee, that gives them a well-rounded alternative lifestyle choice, doesn't it?
As it stands now, the church condemns gays for the very behavior it is unwittingly promoting for them.
When gays are loved and accepted at your homes, churches, work places and beyond, they will feel better about themselves. I promise you, when the walls of the closet are torn down, they won't have to find dark closets for fun anymore. The drinks and the drugs will fall away. Everyone can go shopping together and complain about their spouses together!
The Bible says that marriage is the ideal. Surely that is the ideal for gay as well as straight people. Don't condemn a gay man to a Siberia of loneliness in dark, hazy downtown bars at 3 a.m. Set him up on dates with your gay friends. Ask him if he's met somebody special and ask to meet him. After a time, ask when the big day will be. And then, go to the wedding! We can all share in one of life's great, affirming traditions. And then, as shock jock Howard Stern says, we can all suffer equally, side by side!
Happy marriage to all, and happy Gay Pride.
What's Your Opinion?
KevScoHall@Verizon.net